boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
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They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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