It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
