Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
