I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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