That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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