We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
