i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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