I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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