He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
