she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Quick, to the slutcave!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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