Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Found the puke drawer
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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