how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
