if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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