Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
