So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
