We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
