what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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