Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
