I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
