so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
