I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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