Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
