So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
