K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
