YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
