Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
