the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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