I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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