I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
