i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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