I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
being pregnant is like rehab
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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