so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
