Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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