he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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