I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
