dude i'm inner monologue high
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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