someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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