Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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