$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
