what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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