I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
