i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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