So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
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Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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