I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
