Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
