Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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