i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
