This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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