So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
