the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
