Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
