I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
