my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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