I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
