Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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