you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
