I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I smell stomach acid.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
