He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
