I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sext me about skeletons
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
