Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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