why didn't you poke me back
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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