we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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