My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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