Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
