Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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