Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
