Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
