Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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