Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
