maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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