I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
