she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
