I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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