She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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