one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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