If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
