I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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