the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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