Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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