i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
