I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
