Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
